I have been riddled with self-doubt since about 8am yesterday morning… 
I don’t know what my deal is. I typically walk away from my computer smiling – feeling good about what I’ve written, confident that I am the most clever, insightful person ever to write a book. (Okay, maybe that last part was an exaggeration.)
But not yesterday. Yesterday I managed to convince myself that I have no idea what I’m doing and that my story isn’t compelling. I’m suddenly worried I have 165 typed, single-spaced pages documenting my movements throughout the house:
I walked in the room then I sat on the couch. Then I got hungry, so I made a snack. Then I did the dishes. (Again, I’m exaggerating – I hope.)
I made Matt read my first two chapters last night and begged him to be honest when I asked, “Does it seem like a book you might see in a store? Or, am I kidding myself?”
He – as always – was encouraging… because he is my husband.
Then, I went to the grocery store earlier today and in a not-altogether-new form of self-torture, I decided to play a little game. Right inside the door there was a beautiful display of flowers – all shapes and sizes and colors. I told myself (for no good, rational reason) that if they were selling tulips – then my book was good and would be successful someday. (You know, like looking for a sign from God or something…) I made three trips around that display and not a single tulip… I even Googled images of tulips to make sure I wasn’t missing some exotic variety that didn’t look like my preconceived notion of a tulip. To no avail.
Please tell me I am not alone in doing this sort of thing. Please tell me the absence of tulips in Publix has nothing to do with me personally or the writing I am capable of producing. Please.
I’m currently reading Author in Progress (Buy it from Amazon: http://amzn.to/2seXKZf) in which Greer Macallister says, “Terrible writers never doubt themselves.” So, now I’m clinging to that along with my modified Elizabeth Gilbert mantra, “Done is better than perfect.”
And, with that, I continue to plug on.
Current Word Count: 83,391